The ‘Firsty’ Gremlin
A WEEK OF FIRSTS
First Youtube video
First time with new producer
First poem videos
First neo soul song
First pitch of a big muralAND at every step of the way?
First traps.
FIRST TRAP nounSlang : Unlike the alluring social media ‘thirst trap designed to clickbait oneself into pandering to the crowd, a ‘first’ trap is an inner dialogue designed to stop a Gremlin the moment they are about to share their authenticity.
P.S. Yes, I just made this up. I’m kinda proud of myself for this one.
Example FIRST TRAP (FT) dialogue from my week:
FT: But it’s not perfect
ME: Yes, but it will be cool that when I get to the point where the videos start showing what I want to show, younger Gremlins can look back and see the real me from all those years ago.
FT: But It’s not the very best I can make it yet
ME: You don’t even know the best you can make yet. My sharing now reduces the importance and takes the feedback off the pedestal.
FT: But I can do better
ME: Yes, you can. And you will. But share this stage. It is generous to share this stage.
FT: But people will think it’s not good enough, and I can do better
ME: Everyone is too busy with their own lives to care for more than a few seconds. And if they do care that much, then they probably ought to put their attention on what they are making. No one who is in the arena creating at the level I respect throws shade at those who are trying.
FT: But no one will see it
Me: Good. Refer to point one. This is low-stakes experimentation; you have nothing to lose.
FT: But how will I get from here to there
ME: Step by step. Keep making videos. Saying yes to producers. Finding and experimenting with my voice and colour. The rest is slotting into place.
FT: But it doesn’t have everything I want it to say
ME: Calm your ego. Nothing will ever encapsulate or reflect the whole of your soul. The point is not to have the piece de resistance at your age or at this point in your career. You are still finding your way. Let the parts of what you want to say be breadcrumbs to the future message.
FT: But it doesn’t look like how I had it in my head
ME: Yeah. Get better footage, Karimah. Make it better.
And SO. In light of the above, here’s a first.
It’s messy and raw,
but we are sharing as we go along.
The first freestyle and YouTube upload. More to come. X
February
A little something on rebirth - wrote last Feb but still applies
I can hear the flames lick
Be part of the unfolding, they cry
Inhale destiny and exhale fear
Breathe in clarity and breathe out the old versions you have worn
Now is a good time to die
The wake is worthy of celebration, and the becoming is cause for concern
Not of fear but of gentle precaution for what awaits us on the other side of our expansion
From the succulent sweet spot, begin now and expand an arm in both directions
Stretch one hand into the past and release a palm into the future
Open your mouth and wrap your tongue around the present,
Drip drip drip into the belly of the beast, a letter for every lover
He who clutches the vase is preoccupied,
And he who drops it is a fool
Yet she who moulds the vase
From the clay of Adam and fire of Eve is bountiful
Sweet child
Now is a good time to live
Musings
The 1978 Obituary for Norman Rockwell in The New York Times
“My worst enemy is the world‐shaking idea. Every so often, I try to paint the BIG picture, something serious and colossal which will change the world… they’re beyond me, above me. Not that I ever stop trying.”
- Norman RockwellJerry Saltz strikes again
Alright, that’s all.
Love you, k byeeee
