The ‘Adébayo’ Gremlin:

Lessons in Confidence

“I re-wrote the part for you,” Adé told me. I looked up, my brows furling as I processed what he said. “Thank you,” I said. A beat later, it sunk in. “No, really, thank you.” 

“I was just happy to be here creating with you, I was just thankful, but I didn’t realise that there was a piece of me that felt like I got here by accident until you told me that you re-wrote the part with me in mind.” That validation - I know it’s uncool to say because it goes against the self-empowerment talk and Lizzo lyrics, but it’s something that I needed to hear. 

Because here’s the clincher. Sometimes, you don’t know what you want until you know what you DON’T want. And sometimes, you don’t know you feel UN-worthy until someone helps you feel worthy. 

A BTS shot from the short film with Adébayo that will be screening
in Berlin on Sept 15th

It was 10 am on Friday when I got a text from Ade asking if I could come to a fitting on the other side of London for a film he’s working on. One of the actors had to pull out, so Adé asked if I could jump in. I’ve loved his work for a long time, and even though it was a last-minute request, I said yes.  When Adé said he re-wrote the part now with me in mind and was waiting for the right timing to work together, I felt like I could breathe. Like wow - just being me is enough. Is it that simple?

You see, I didn’t even realise that part of me felt like I was filling the role of someone else’s shoes until he told me that. Till then, I would have been happy to make the cut, and I realised at that moment - no, Karimah, remember, you were chosen. 

And that, my friends, is the lesson in this week’s Gremlin post. 

Because none of us are perfect, Gremlins are flawed, and they are fabulous. We can work on ourselves as much as we want, but we need each other. The emphasis isn’t on me, but Adé’s generosity; he could have chosen not to tell me he re-wrote the part for me and just assumed I knew he did that - but his generosity helped me to feel more…Me.

Sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to go out and take worth like an entitled child. Maybe it’s all the Lizzo I listen to, but nowadays, it’s easy for us to deceive ourselves and think confidence is entitled. The reality is that confidence is earned, not simply taken. I believe the more responsible thing to do is realise that no matter our age or experience, we all need help to feel confident and worthy.

Sometimes we need an Adé who reminds us of our uniqueness, and sometimes we need to be the Adé to remind others that they belong. 

Till next time,

K x